How praising your children can hurt them in the long run

 

Praising

Praising children blindly leads to kids having a fixed mindset. Praising them for what they accomplish rather than for the effort they out in leads to kids believing that if they do not obtain that same outcome again they should not continue pursuing that goal. Praising with a growth mindset approach helps children understand the concept of "Not yet". This concept allows them to be resilient and continue pursuing a goal. 

In most cases kids give up if they do not achieve the same result by which they were praised in the past. Many parents do not know how to praise their kids and this causes them to have  lower self-esteem and grit. As Carol Dweck said, parents also need the growth mindset mentality that would help them learn that they can learn and get better.

Let us talk about the concept of GRIT

Grit is having the perseverance to pursue meaningful desired outcomes. I gritty child is patient with their long term goals but urgent with the immediate steps. A gritty child is willing to have delay gratification because of the better long term outcome. 

A child with grit does not have a fixed mindset, which suggests intelligence is fixed. A child with grit has a "growth" mindset, which teaches that intelligence grows and develops. This allows the child to transform and reorganize his or her brain. Children with growth mindsets do not care about looking smart, they care about truly learning. They do not equate working hard with low intelligence, rather they work hard to expand their intelligence and succeed. Children with grit do not back away at adversity, rather they stay resilient and continue to work hard. They spend more time learning about subjects they are struggling in, instead of spending less time on it. 

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Roles and Rules: Do you treat your kids equally?

The Issue

Too many families in Mexico follow a similar parent in which the guys will always be better off. I always felt bad when I visited my friends’ homes and notice how their sisters were required to do more than them in the house, even things like doing the laundry for their brothers was a common task.

The Danger

There is a great danger because it is a pattern that in many cases will be generational. I feel that if they pursue a gender-based parenting as the one described on the example,  we will continue to see many women that do not pursue an education or settle on their goals and dreams.  

It seems that when families divide upbringing on the basis of gender, they want to help their children find a place in this world, they also want children to know the importance of their role as mothers (for girls) and providers (for boys). But the danger, in my opinion, lies in the fact that these two structures are not interconnected, a man does not help a woman with children and around the house, and a man does not ask a woman for advice on her career and investments. Also, children are deprived of the opportunity to develop their talents and be themselves.

The Solution

Our Father in Heaven perfectly knows our differences. He helps us develop our own strengths and help each other in our mortal probation. Although he knows we are different the expectations and vision is the same for all this children: to become co-heirs with Christ, Queens, and kings of the Most high. Those expectations help us know more or our value, how we are, and who we can become.

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Parenting styles: What is yours?

Authoritarian

Authoritarian parenting becomes a dictatorship in which you are afraid all the time. Take for example the following situation that happened to one of my cousins. He grew up in a home in which rules were very strict, you could not even have a snack from the fridge without permission. Every act of disobedience was punished with physical and verbal violence. One of my cousins had a sensitive personality and grew up being scared of of everything. shy, and a very low self esteem. 

Permissive

In a permissive style of parenting, an advantage to this would be the trust that could be nurtured between the parent and child. With too rigid and strict of an upbringing leading to resentment and rebellion in some cases, the permissive style of parenting gives children the chance to create their own rules and discover the world for themselves. On the other side of this, permissive parenting opens the door to a lot of manipulation by the child and could be allowing the child to make dangerous choices because they don’t have the structure of other parenting styles. 

Authoritative

Authoritative is a great balance of permissive and authoritarian. My nephew was caught doing some things he should've been doing. His mother gave him a very harsh punishment but followed with a talk about her love for him and the Saviors love. I think this is a great example of Authoritative. Permissive can be destructive because of the high level of worth and low level of demand. Letting the child be immature.'

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